Illogical Weakness
by bloodyamore
Summary: Wammy's House, Mello Centric, Mello has a nightmare that gets to him. In the end it leads him to question just how perfect Near really is. MelloNear if you squint, Beyond Birthday is mentioned.


_Disclaimer: I don't own Death Note, if I did Mello never would've died._

_Author's Note: I can't help but feel that once Mello learned about Beyond Birthday, he couldn't help but relate with being a backup, a number 2. On an unrelated note, the song Monster by Meg and Dia is really good._

_Please don't Flame. Got it?__ Feedback is appreciated._

_**Illogical Weakness**_

_Near stood on a throne, a throne L had so long taken position on. But L was gone now. And the pale white haired boy had taken his place._

_Mello glared at him with eyes red with anger._

_Everything flashed white._

_Mello saw L again, on his great throne alone. Below him sat a man that looked almost like a copy of L, only scarier, creepier, less human. Beyond Birthday._

_The blonde could do nothing but stare as Beyond tried to knock L off of the throne, without success. There was some sort of force field blocking his attacks, cutting him up. Blood rushed out of the wounds, and Beyond flowed away with the crimson liquid._

_Again, L had disappeared, the throne was empty. Something told Mello to go to it. He ran forward, but just as he was about to touch it, Near was there, sitting with one knee drawn up to his chest._

_Mello growled, lunging for his rival, trying to throw him off the throne. Near did not deserve to replace L, Mello was__** supposed **__to replace L, not him._

_Just as with Beyond, something was keeping Mello from getting to Near. The force cut and ripped at him, but he continued, he couldn't stop. Eventually he saw blood dripping down his white sleeves and to the floor._

_White sleeves?_

_Time froze. He saw himself. His once white clothes were pajamas. His hair was white. Curly._

_He brought a hand up to it, and his finger snaked around a lock, twisting and twirling it._

Mello shot upwards, awake. He was drenched in cold sweat, his breathing labored. He looked around, his breathe slowly calming as he looked down upon himself. His black t-shirt was barely visible in the dark.

"It…it was just a dream," Mello whispered to himself. Of course it was just a dream, L was still alive. At least, as far as anyone knew. He took a deep breath, counting back from ten, trying to calm his nerves. "I need chocolate."

The blonde got up, walking to the door. Before he left he looked in the mirror, in spite of himself, calming immensely when he found he still _was_a blonde.

He walked to the kitchen, getting out a bar of chocolate and savagely ripping off a piece with his teeth. He ate as he walked back to his room, feeling just a little better with the help of chocolate. Upon passing a window, he froze in the pale white moonlight, temporarily reliving his dream. He shivered, getting out of the moonlight, walking back to his room faster.

"Damn Near."

xX--Xx

The next day Matt could tell something was wrong with his best friend. Mello was unusually quiet today, eating only a chocolate bar for breakfast. "Hey, Mel?"

Mello looked up from the hole he was burning into the floor to acknowledge the redhead.

"Are you okay? You haven't said a thing since we woke up. And you aren't eating your pancakes."

Mello took another bite of his chocolate, looking away from his friend. "I'm fine Matt." His tone left no room for discussion, though it was an obvious lie. Well, whatever was eating at his friend, Matt supposed it would be best if he let Mello deal with it on his own.

xX--Xx

'_Why was I copying Near? I'm not as low as Beyond Birthday…no, Beyond wasn't low. Even I want to be just like L. But…Near. I don't want to be like Near. He __**isn't**__ better than me.'_Mello took another vicious bite from his chocolate. '_Is he?'_

Mello headed for the playroom, something he did not do often. Near was usually in there, which was the reason he normally avoided it. But today, Mello wanted to see him, if only to prove something to himself.

He entered the room quietly, then leaned against the wall, watching his rival with a dark gaze.

Black and white towers of dice grew as the boy they surrounded continued to add onto their colossal mass. Only did their growing cease when Near looked up, a hint of question in his eyes as his gaze met with Mello's.

Mello's face for once was unreadable. It was as empty and expressionless as his own. So it was surprising when Mello calmly stood up from his position against the wall and walked over, standing just beyond Near's wall of dice.

Normally Mello was always so emotional around him, the calmness was… frightening.

Mello looked at the dice wall, then his gaze returned to the boy who built them. Mello reached out with a hand, gently flicking one of the dice. Instantly, the walls began to crumble, the towers began to fall.

In a matter of moments, Nears protective fortress was no more than a pile of ruble surrounding him. Mello's face, still calm, smiled just a little. Near's walls, they were so easily broken.

Mello squatted until he was face to face with the ivory boy, the blonde's lips still curved upward in a sweet smile.

Near stared, for once in his life confused. This was illogical, and Mello's innocent smile was sending shivers down his spine. Mello was anything but kind, he shouldn't be allowed to wear such a gentle expression.

Mello reached out again, this time pushing Near. The boy fell back, slightly shocked. He continued to lay there as Mello nodded to himself, getting up.

As quickly as Near had been pushed down, Mello had left. Still, the pale boy continued to lay there, as if something else might happen if he got up.

xX--Xx

Mello smiled to himself, lying on the grass outside Wammy's house, listening to the birds. Near was so easily broken, something Mello would never wish to imitate. The nightmare wouldn't **ever** be real. That made him feel better, knowing he would never try to replace Near. He didn't need to try and replace the boy, cause in the end, he was better. He was stronger.

Near looked out the doorway, seeing his rival outside, sprawled out on the grass. His face was expressionless, as always, but inside he was curious. Curious as to why Mello had visited him today, and done what he had. There must've been some logic behind it. And Near's curiosity was urging him to find out what that logic was.

The pajama clad boy stepped outside, slowly walking over to the puzzle that was Mello. Once he was but a foot away, he stopped.

Mello looked up, to see whatever was shadowing him from the sun. He wasn't surprised to see Near standing there, for some reason, he figured Near would come. "Hello Near."

Mello's voice was still calm, if Near had known more about emotions, he would've recognized the tone as one of contentedness. The white haired boy sat down next to his rival, twirling his hair. "I came here to ask you something," he stated, his voice as dull as ever. When he received no response, which was unlike Mello, he continued. "Why did you come to me today and destroy my tower?"

Mello continued to look at him, not answering quite yet. Perhaps he was waiting for the other question.

"Why did you push me?"

Mello smiled, pushing himself up and before Near knew what had hit him Mello was above him, pinning him to the ground, holding his hands prisoner above his head.

"I wanted to see… how perfect you are." Mello's smile became a smirk.

Near struggled, he now regretted coming to see the blonde. But the heavy gaze he received from the boy holding him stopped Near from moving.

"Now I know how easily you break." Mello said, a smirk no longer warping his features.

Near stared at the boy above him. He'd never seen Mello's face so serene. At least, never when looking at him. His brain told him that something horrible must follow the statement Mello had made. But the blue eyes that looked into his held no anger, no malice that they usually donned. They simply held a kind of thankfulness, like he was relieved. Near couldn't bring himself to fear those eyes. He could only admire them, a rare sight that he'd likely never see again.

"You're weaker than me." Mello pushed himself off of Near, sitting beside him instead. He looked at the grass, his face invisible to Near.

"I will never be you," Mello stated, mostly to himself. It was the truth, he never would, and he would never want to.

xX--Xx

Near watched, still on the ground, as Mello walked away. Slowly, he sat up. His head was spinning with questions, questions that could never be answered. Mello was so confusing, so illogical. But Near was illogical too, for trying to figure the blonde out.

He stared out towards Wammy's house. _Was he weaker than Mello?_ Only because Mello _made_ him weak. Mello made him illogical, made him confused, made him feel as if he was lost. "Maybe I am weaker," he mused to himself.

Near got more comfortable on the ground, putting his hands behind his head like a pillow. He stared up at the sky, it was the same color as Mello's eyes. "I hope… Mello visits me again," he said quietly, barely noticing he'd spoke out loud.

"...I want to see his eyes again," Near breathed. He closed his own, reliving everything that had just happened, trying to memorize the already-fleeting memory.

xX--Xx


End file.
